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Mar 22, 2010, 03:48 PM
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Member Since: Aug 2009
Location: Fringes of the bell-shaped curve
Posts: 779
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   Hi (((((feddy))))). I'm sorry you're having such a rough go of it lately. It's good that you had the conversation with your boss, now you can set work concerns aside and focus on your recovery. I have had depression pretty much my entire life, and there is one thing I learned decades ago that I would like to suggest - try your best not to be depressed about being depressed. All that does is flood your system with more stress hormones and make your depression even more intense.
You say you've been through this before and gotten to the other side - hold on to that - you know it's a process and it sounds like you do have a really good pdoc to help you get there again. I know you want those feelings to go away, you don't want to be like you are now, and you want to be like you were when you got married, etc. And I know that it is embarrassing to appear so weak and out of control - but there is no more shame in having a severe depressive episode than having a bad bout of the flu. This is NOT your fault - you need medication, support, and time to recover - the very same things you would need if you had the flu or some other illness.
Although you want these feelings to just go away, the fact is that this is where you are right now and this is what you have to deal with. Comparing your present situation with better times is only going to make things worse right now. Try to think of those better times as reason to hope and trust that in time you will be there again, instead of berating yourself for being where you are now. I know that if your husband or another family member or a friend was going through what you are right now, you would be there saying to them everything that I am saying to you now. Don't pressure yourself to find the strength to get through this - that strength is going to come from you taking extra gentle care of yourself - good rest and sleep, exercise, nutrition - do whatever it takes NOT to try to appear "normal" to everyone, but whatever it takes to appropriately treat your depression and to help you feel better while you recover. Please let me and others here know whenever you need our support, and feel free to PM me if you feel that I can be of any help to you.lynn09
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"I walked a mile with Pleasure; she chattered all the way, But left me none the wiser for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word said she; But oh, the things I learned from her when Sorrow walked with me!"
(Robert Browning Hamilton; "Along The Road")
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