So optimally, how would you like this situation to turn out? Even the best experts will tell you that being with both men is not an option. No matter what you decide, there will be emotional pain to work through plus the grieving you will be doing for the loss of your child. Since it seems a lot you do in your life is kept from those you love, you might want to see a therapist to help you through the loss and grieving process. A therapist can help a lot. We are also here for emotional support as well. Good luck to you.