There are real life support groups for HIV, where you can meet people, go out with them, share experiences, etc. There is one in San Angelo, TX, and there must be one in your area. Google HIV support groups, contact any # you can find, and find the one in your area. It must be a tremendous struggle, all that pill taking, the misplaced stigma, the anxiety. But it's not what it was, and "mixed" couples marry, with the non-infected partner remaining that way. I hope you find what you are looking for. Caring About You and Knowing It Could Well Be Me ~ billieJ