Hi everyone, I have not been on here in a long time because its diffucult to get on at work. I am making the effort today because I feel as though I have hit rock bottom, or close to is in my life. Not with teh way things are going, I have job a boyfriend, family, etc. On the outside i guess maybe I seem to have it all. But inside im dying. Im in a horrible rut. A constant state of worry. Worry about money, worry about being cheated on (he never did anything its just that im paranoid) All of my worry is causing HUGE problems in my relationship of two years. We had another huge blowout last night and it came out that he thinks i dont try hard enough. Meaning........i dont work out, i dont buy new clothes in which i mention that i dotn have money in which he siad well work more. I am currently trying to get a part time job as well so yes im trying. But basicaly i think he is saying hes not attracted to me. Do i blame him? No. i come home put sweatpants on , live in sweatpants unless im at work, dont do my hair nails, etc. I just dont care. Until now. Now i feel ugly and gross. and depressed evenmore about my relationship and i just dont know where to turn. My job is stressful and its been a tough few weeks with nothing working out. im just beat down and cant pick myself up anymore.

I just need to vent. thank you.