Thanks marjan. as you were saying, i have set her free, i haven't contacted her in almost about 8 months now. for me thats a feat in itself. also i am happy for her, that she found a new man. i m just worried that this guy doesn't take advantage of her. she is a sweet girl, but also naive. i just want her happy. regarding facebook, i barely log onto it, its been a month since last time i logged in. i do this to discipline myself, cuz i know that in this area i don't have enough self control not to go look at her page. but thats that.

my appnt with my T yesterday went great, she is thinking of putting me on some meds. it was the first apppnt, so we still have to talk alot about this. i know that the road to recovery will be slow and it takes time, i would just have to be patient. but the biggest thing for me is that i m scared that i will never be able to put in enough effort to get out of this. in every other aspect of my life i can do things on the drop of a dime. i have soo much self control and will power i can usually achive anthing i set my mind to, be it work, addiction, you name it. but this is the only thing in my life, that is getting the best of me. its funny how you can give something soo much power that in ends up hurting you and taking over your life. but i HAVE to deal with it. and put in effort little by little.

thanks again to everyone from the bottom of my heart, to take time and try to help me. this has been a great stress reliver for me, and with continued support from everyone on here, i think i'll be able to get past all this.