Thank you guys. Thank you so much. It was a bad, bad night last night. I asked how to make the VCR work, I got talked to like a child, I shut the door, the wind caught it, I was yelled at not to slam, I apologized, I got yelled at, I yelled back. My Kaity was right across the hall, she went for a run. I tried to talk calmly, he started to walk away, I shut the door. Dumb dumb dumb. I know. He grabbed my arm, twisted it and shoved me against the door. I called my folks to pick up the girls. More yelling. He's drinking. Saying God-awful awful hurtful things. Said I was going to my folks. Said we'd talk tomorrow. He said No, talking is overrated. I asked if we aren't going to talk, what will fix where we are. He said nothing. He wants to finish working on the bathroom then we'll decide. Went to my folks, came home and went to bed, he slept in the other room. My heart is breaking. Not because he is the love of my life. Because he has been a friend for over 20 years. Because we are good together when he isn't drinking. Because he can't go less than a week without drinking. Because of the mean things he said. Because he put his hands on me again. Because my Kaity heard it. Because I suck at life. Because I can't make right choices. Because I don't know what to do. Because I keep hearing the things over and over. Because of mistakes and mistakes and mistakes. I am so devastated but trying to act ok. I sat at work and sobbed and sobbed. You guys, why? Why am I like this? Why? thank you so much for caring.