Jennifer:

Boy your story sure brings up alot of feelings I have had myself. My mother was abusive, mentally and physically.She's also a drug addict and an alcoholic. Alot of the same things that you describe of your mother are identical to my situation (including her not being there for you during a life threatening illness) I would definitely say it is abusive. Maybe not in the classic sense but definitely it makes us feel horrible much in the way as mental abuse. Ramble on, trust me I used to do it all the time and I'm sure you'll endure more than one long rambling post from me.

Hugs (if ya want them)

Take care,
Kimberly.