(((((((((((((kiya)))))))))))))

A friend in AA has been telling me "your feelings are REAL"...and I don't know why, but that calms things down for me a little. I guess because it takes away any "I shouldn't feel like this" or "I'm not doing a good job" or "Other people could handle this" or whatever spiraly thought I might add on to the feeling. It's real. I'm scared.

One thing I'm learning in therapy is that just because I am scared, it doesn't mean I'm not safe. I feel scared a lot...some things (like movie theaters and voices in the hall outside of T's office) make me feel REALLY scared...but I'm still safe. I'm just at the theater to see a movie, and the voices outside of T's office are just the other T's and their clients going down the hall. Nothing from the past can come to hurt me now.

I wish you could have someone come over while the people are there, I know that would make it a lot easier. Could you call and talk to someone on the phone WHILE they are there? Even if it's a crisis line? Just say you're scared, you have people coming in your apt, and you just need someone to chit chat with to get through it. I always feel safer when I have to have people in my house if I am on the phone with someone.

LOTS of safe to you, kiya. You're not alone.