Gah,

I feel like crap. Just really annoyed because I feel like I have no support. My boyfriend is interstate and I'm lonely without him with no one to talk to about things. My doctor has pissed me off. I was suppose to get a referral to a psychologist when I saw her but instead she crapped on about her thoughts about Richard Dawkins as he came to Australia the week I saw her and how religious she is. Umm, hello, MY HEALTH is the discussion topic. I was lucky that I got my letter for my meeting with disability services at uni. Dammit.

And my psychiatrist doesn't really want me to get an additional person to talk to. He wants to do it - but he sucks at it. He's great at science and telling me about meds but that's it.

But the main thing making me feel **** is I have to go around pretending I'm fine. I had a crush into depression last night and my mum just told me off about it as none of my family that I have bipolar. I'm just doing it to anger them all apparently. I just want to tell her to back off because I'm sick right now, instead of being told I'm an asshole whenever I cry so easily. But I know they don't really believe in mental illness, at least in the past they made it out they at least don't believe it's possible *I'm* sick.

I rather be open about my condition but I don't imagine the stress that would come from it would be good for me in my current state nor does it sound like it's ever good to be open which makes me rather upset. I don't like hiding because of stigma but I don't want people being asses and making me feel more sick. >< Sick of being down and sick of all the trip outs I have when I'm high.

/rant