awww Kiya

I can really relate to being freaked out by having people in your place. I get the same way, and if I knew someone was coming to do some sort of inspection like that I would be majorly triggered. I'm sorry.
I'm also sorry you are having to SI in order to cope. I can relate to that too. You are in such a hard place right now, Kiya, and I wish I could make it easier for you. I'm glad you emailed your T. I know how hard it is to keep reaching out when you are hurting, and especially when you feel like you have been pushed off in some way (like by T telling you to rely on other people). I just want to encourage you to keep reaching out, even if it hurts, even if it's hard. You don't have to be alone in this.