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lynn P. · 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AAAAA

(((Lynn))) It is shocking how many middle aged adults are still under their parents’ thumb. Most of us are “guilty” of it to some degree. I know I made many choices in my adult life out of concern for my parent’s reaction.

I’d have an honest conversation with your SIL if/when she decides to come back into your life. I’d let her know that her abrupt abandonment of your children hurt them and you’re not comfortable with someone that shows so little concern for their well being.

Have you let your husband know that although this type of behavior is common in his family, you don’t want your children to grow up this way?

I'm embarassed to admit this, but the only sincere contact my kids have with any relative on mine and is side, is with my oldest brother - but they don't see him often because he lives on the other side of Canada.

Have you let your husband know that although this type of behavior is common in his family, you don’t want your children to grow up this way?[/quote] This is what I'm struggling with now. His family is extremely disfunctional. If I keep my girls away from her - she's the only one who showed any interest in them - then my girls won't have any contact with his family. So I'm faced with the dilema of - is it better to keep them alienated or let them get sucked back into that false love. This SIL has also had money fights with my husband before too. I know AAAAA you're aware of my extremely unusual marriage problem. This alienation with my SIL happened the same time as my marriage problem. Something happened to me psychologically where I became very cynical and right now I feel extreme dislike for all of them. Normally I'm a fair and reasonable person but there's this dark side that feels very angry and I don't know how I can see any of them. I'm not a phony person- if I like you, you know it and it I don't like you - it's written all over my face. It it turns out she wants to come and visit - how do I put my feelings aside for the sake of my kids. My girls are also not feeling good about her either because they felt hurt by all of this. I already have to contain my feelings for my kids sake in relation to my husband - I sometimes don't even feel it's right to call him my husband because of what happend. We're really just in the 'business' of raising our children. This is such a MESS and I can feel the anger oozing out of me and I'm disappointed in myself.