I feel really bad about this. But I think I hate my Father.

I used to think he was really wonderful and good. But now all I can see is his failures. I'm kind of mad at my Mother for staying with him. All she ever does is bend her will to his. She is so much too good for this. I hate how he treats her, how he treats everyone. Everyone is just a tool for his own personal use and benefit. If you can't serve him in some way, you're not useful.

Right now he's having some trouble with stomach pain and he's not handling it very gracefully. He's a bit of a hypocondriac and doesn't do well with pain. I geuss I'm kind of mad at him for making such a huge deal out of it. He's gone to the Doctors and they keep on telling him there's nothing wrong, that he just has an infection, but he's convinced it's something more serious. He has everyone waiting on his hand and foot, he's not going to work, staying at home all day and I'm just so mad at him. He has no idea how our family works. We do fine without him, but when he's here, he throws everything out of wack.

I can't stand how selfish and self absorbed he is. He embarresses me. He puts on this facade of piety, and he acts so good and holy, but I am so done with it. He has become revolting to me. I hate him! Why do I hate him!? I feel so horrible. He doesn't abuse me in anyway. He's been 'there for me' my entire life. Am I expecting too much of people?

Ugh. I'm a self absorbed jerk too.