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turquoisesea · Mar 24, 2010, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lynn09

(((((sea))))) Sorry you're having a hard time. What was going through your mind when you triggered - what was the inner dialogue about your major? Is it that playing the cello is not giving you back what you need? Is it that other issues in your life are interfering with your enjoyment of playing now? Sometimes it helps to kind of "eavesdrop" on the other thoughts running in the background while your directed thinking and concentration is on something else, then jot those random thoughts down. Might help you identify what the trigger is. Hope you feel better soon. lynn09
(P.S.: Thanks for that (((lynn P.))) - I also have to multi-correct sea's name sometimes. )

Hey Lynn, thank you for asking this =D And it's funny when i chose my username I just thought of an image and turquoise is my favorite colour, I didn't think it would be hard to manage! So I'm glad to have a nickname

Anyways,there are several things going through my head when triggered.
1. Cellist does not equal good job.
2. It is very hard to enjoy playing cello now (depression? other things? who knows)
3. I am frustrated at what I sound like and where I am in comparison to others. I used to never compare but now I do more often.
4. Lack of belief in classical music: again, I never THOUGHT, I just did... I have realized that classical music isn't reaching a lot of people and hearing more modern stuff has turned me off to the repetoire at times
5. Because I'm doing cello I'm not doing other things. I feel not mentally stimulated - I see other majors doing things like maths, sciences, reading, computer science, etc LEARNING, THINKING, and I feel my mind turning to mush which drives me up a wall. Also these alternatives offer more potential money as a career prospect

So basically I'm feeling unsure about my choice of major, I'm feeling regret. Other times I still like what I do well enough, but I just am having trouble finding an application for it in real life. I feel I want to be doing something more REAL. Yet I feel stuck in my current position, both money time... and ... I still am connected to cello I've spent many years on it already. Sometimes that time feels like a waste.

Lynn - I'm sorry this got long, I know it can be hard for you to read, thank you for your thoughts and support, I really do appreciate it *hugs*.

Thank you EVERYONE for your support as well