i am scared because i dont know what to expect, and the only things i can think of are bad things. i think i would be surprised if was physically angry, but maybe she will just do silent treatment instead?

i keep trying to think of other possibilities, but silent treatment is the least bad i can come up with. i dont know what you do to someone who's been bad.

but locking myself up here is good because it meant i could go have some dinner because i knew i was safe. austin t wants me to stop dissociating but right now im not very sure what else to do.

pdoc gave me some ativan to take if things got too much. all of this is really difficult. im not thinking very clearly