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I know this sounds weird, but I've recently got back in touch with a friend whom I've known for 44yrs. We fell out 8yrs ago before I entered treatment and started on my new journey.
Anyways perhaps this talking about seeing my wants with T the past couple of weeks has opened up that part of me and I made contact with this friend. We talked on the phone for 2hrs and it was like we'd never been parted. The thing is though, I had this fear that I may stop needing T or forget her??? Crazy I know, or perhaps being in touch with someone from my time before T was bringing up memorys of what it was like to not have had T in my life and how I so dont want to go back to that time, to that person I was and feel a big fragile about being able to manage this friendship without loosing what I've gained.
This friend comes from a very dysfunctional family and has lots of issues but theres always been this core part of her that was kind and loving and she always felt a lot for me so I dont want to muck it up this time round it wouldn't be fair to her, but still, its a challenge and I guess this is what wll show just what I have managed to gain so far from all my yrs in therapy. But I dont want to loose T, though intellectually I know I wont so this must be triggering something else?? perhaps when I lost one mother completely and found myself with another, no experience of having continuation in a relationship when someone else comes into the forefront.
I want this friendship to work this time though, I dont want to keep isloating and living half a life. Perhaps take it a day at a time and dont project a whole load of fears.
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