maybe this is the wrong forum... the forum police may shoot me onsight if need be.

i'm working so hard to make it... but life has been throwing me random curve balls over the past several months and i am so worn down. Medical issues have me in a bad position and now i am financially near homelessness. It's mostly been out of my hands and i have struggled to re-build my life after the train wreck of an existence with my abusive ex. i made it through a year and a half almost on just $7K and some credit, patched along with some jobs i've managed to get.

things had been improving very slowly and i was beginning to build some confidence in being able to do this... my ex wouldn't allow me to have a job or have any say over our money. He doesn't give me any support even though he makes a huge salary and i have a physical disability. It was not worth my sanity to attempt to force him to give me anything. He has NPD and it's like a sort of soul cancer to be in contact with him.

i cannot survive on disability pension and i have ambitions. i refuse to let my limitations dictate my future. If people who are paraplegic can hold jobs then so can i. Living in the city isn't cheap though.

i was forced to give up the job i had because i am scheduled for major surgery. i'm able to do odd job things that aren't too big of a strain, but i can't work officially and still get the little bit of money i am supposed to get from unemployment insurance in the meantime.

i'm doing everything i can.. i think. i feel like luke warm poo and i'm just worn down. i did one of those life-event stress scale things and my score was over 400. i can't just rest either because doing so will mean homelessness.

i've sort of lost my mojo

i'm still in therapy and i am struggling to find ways to believe in myself. i've never had much by way of nurturing to build that. i have a long history of abuse and mistreatment to the point that i just never truly developed the ability to trust my own judgement or have a strong sense of belief in my own ability to make it. i'm really not good at all at positive self-talk.

needing encouragement...