So the last couple of weeks have seen the highs of optimism, and the lows of defeat. It seems that with the exception of reconnecting with my sister, nothing I touch seems to work out. I try dating again, and end up bieng stood up... twice by two different women in one week. The first woman I ran into at a sporting event after bieng stood up...where she introduces me to her boyfriend. This is after we had been out, and she had gotten physical once.

I give up an activity I enjoy to spend time with someone, but then I get squashed. I know that life is not fair.... but come on, I try to make an oppportunity and boom.

Then I get a demotion in title, because my company merged with another organization. So my pay stays the same... for now, but I am already underpaid and under appreciated.

They recognize I am under stress, and want me to "get help", but what help am I supposed to get. My coworkers are worried, and my family is now worried, so they take my things away because I *might* hurt myself. I know that they care, but needing someone to cut my steak for me is degrading, and makes me want to be done with it.

I feeling like running away and never looking back. I am told that I am wanted and loved... but it sure feels like I am more of a burden than anything else. No one wants to talk, they just tell me that things arn't so bad. Well easy for them to say, they are not the ones who are lonely most of the time and they each have something and someone to live for.

It really seems that I am needed and wanted when something is not working... Why because I can fix it for you... no compensation for my time, and not even a thank you most of the time... yet somehow I am supposed to be gratefull for what I have.

I just wish I could screem at the top of my lungs. Everyone thinks that they know what I need... but the truth is they don't even spend the time to listen to what I have to say.

When I was twenty I thought I'd be dead by thirty... well I'm ready