   Hi (((((sea))))). The emotional upheaval and confusion are to be expected since you have maintained a particular mindset and direction for so long - although you are dissatisfied with your present situation, still it is familiar and somewhat more comfortable than the unknown. There is no need for you to make any drastic decisions or changes this very moment, so don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself. Now is the time for investigation and exploration - just information gathering so that when the time comes you can make informed decisions that you can feel more confident about. What you are actually doing is changing your perspective on your life and your future - reordering your priorities - so you can expect a bit of mental and emotional confusion before the pieces start falling into place.
Your cello and your music have been near-lifelong companions - old friends you will always be able to turn to for comfort and solace whether you make your living with them or not. What is most important is what they GIVE you, versus what they DEMAND of you - the return that you receive on your investment of time and energy. This is true of everything in life - school, work, relationships, hobbies, etc. So, take a deep breath and just take one step at a time so that you don't become overwhelmed.
Keep posting as you go through all of this so that we can provide you with the reassurance and support you need. We're all pulling for you.lynn09
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"I walked a mile with Pleasure; she chattered all the way, But left me none the wiser for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word said she; But oh, the things I learned from her when Sorrow walked with me!"
(Robert Browning Hamilton; "Along The Road")
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