I dont think I'm engulfed (emeshed) with T though. I have been thinking about this this afternoon and realise that with T the relationship is a healthy one, ie she maintains her individuality and respects mine, I think when I was last in touch with this friend I'd never experienced that nor had it modelled to me so felt I was drowing all of the time, but realise now I can take care of myself more. When T said last week about it being the relationship in therapy that matters I couldnt grasp that, but I think I just have. My friend is very full on, and I dont say that to disrespect her, but I think thats where the fear was coming from I was afraid I would loose myself in her again, but can refer back to my relationship with T now and use that to take care of my individuality in this friendship now.