I suspect the garbage bag trick like any form of leveraging motivation can only work if done without anger or doing any harm to the child's stuff. The challenge for me like with any attempt to mobilize action would be holding the line and not engaging in renegotiating the terms. If there is one thing I have done well it is to teach my son how to negotiate for what he wants. I think I really need to learn how to set the terms and say "End of discussion" and walk away without internalizing the strain.

Michah.... never would I think your words a bunch of hooey. I am touched that you and others care enough to offer so much kindness and support. I need to think about what you might mean about forgiveness relative to the rage. I don't act out in front of anyone anymore. I retreat when the rage builds and internalize the anger rather than let anyone else see it or be used or hurt by it. Not yelling or scream or throwing things in front of anyone saves me the embarrassment and regrets of the public outrage. I can catch myself well enough to stiffle until I can get alone but it is still a challenge to be able to talk myself down or through it without it owning me for a time. I guess once it does finally pass and I am left a bundle of exhausted spent emotions is when the foregiveness comes in. Rather than beating myself up about my lack of control or criticizing myself for over reacting and giving in to the sense of hopelessness.... maybe if instead I could just accepted it somehow..... I don't know.. that is where I get lost. I don't want to be so easily enraged about things people do or don't do. It isn't who I want to be. I don't want every response to things outside my control to be that of either raged or dispair. I can't seem to get a grip on the middle road.

While I give myself credit for controling the public raging I sometimes wish I could let it go just to get someone to listen to me and honour my rights. As it is now, no one knows when something angers me or when I don't agree with someone's action that affects me. I need to figure out how to communicate my needs and have a position without the drama.

Thanks Byz for the links. I will spend some time now reading them.