It feels like it will always be this way. I know it's irrational, because things are always changing. However, the meds situation is giving me grief.

I've had little to no energy during the day for quite some time. The past couple of weeks solid. Sleeping the day away, drifting in and out of consciousness is no kind of a life. I feel like a coma patient. Then I emerge at about 4pm with a decent amount of energy.

So yesterday afternoon, frustrated, I take a second Wellbutrin 150mg. Hours later I have tons of energy. I assemble a bookshelves, rearrange and clean old ones, restock the new one with stacked up books and arrange them by theme. Then I get some stackable containers my guy had bought and clean out and organize the fridge. I should be exhausted, but I'm not. My eyes are dilated.

My brain is wide awake and happy until 3:30am, my body and eyes all the while exhausted. My alarm goes off at 8, I take my meds and go back to sleep. Finally get out of bed at 10:30, then I nearly pass out in the bathroom. Back to bed and the blood rushes back into my brain. My guy brings me water and juice and a half a burrito. I take that. I fall back to sleep. I get up at 12:30 and am still in a fog.

I decided to go back up on Lamictal. It's affecting my energy level. It was supposed to be the first of my 5 medications that I was going to wean myself off of. Now I figure I'll always be on all these meds and that is terribly discouraging. I feel like a failure and a prisoner. I don't want to, but I keep having to go back to sleep. Geodon lowers my blood pressure and my brain is starving for oxygen and blood. But I've tried all the other atypicals with one exception, and it's the least bad of them on me.

I feel like quitting my job, school, and just staying indoors for the rest of my life. Nothing seems to matter when you feel this out of it.