Wow what a hard journey to go through, I really feel for you and the dark places you've seen along the way. life is supposed to be joyful and happy, and yet you are struggling so much. I hope that you can lean on your faith to get through your hardest days, there is a forum for the PTSD, I have that too and depression as well. I feel your pain. I'm sure finding this man was devastating to you, how horrific to find him. Lean on the PC here there are many caring people on here to help you cope. Sending big warm hugs your way.