From when I had just turned 15 to about 6 months ago (maybe less, depending on how you look at it) there has been someone in my life who is very important to me. His names Adam, we started off as friends, and then we were each others closest friends. Then we had a relationship that lasted a year. It was rocky towards the end and then he ended it. I was completely devastated. I really loved him (and still do) and he was my best friend. We both wanted to spend our lives with each other, we knew that because we were young it was unlikely, but we hoped we could make it happen. And we always assumed that even if our romantic relationship didn't work out we'd always be friends, and always know each other.

He was diagnosed with ADHD as a child. Hes always had anger problems, as long as I've known him, but it just got worse and worse, and since we've broken up he has been diagnosed with Association Disorder, Autism, and Schizophrenia. He started seeing someone else 3 weeks after we broke up (he didn't leave me for her, he didn't know her before we broke up) and is still with her now. But I know he doesn't tell her his problems, and he 'acts' all the time, with her and with everyone... but I'll probably try to explain this in posts.

Our relationship after we broke up was tumultuous too, from him wanting to be friends and still caring to getting angry and now directing all his anger at me.

I love him so much and it kills me to see him with her every day (we all go to the same college) but I try to understand that hes well within his rights to do that, some people just like to be dating someone, and its not the kind of relationship he refers to as a "life-long bond" as he did with me... but its hard because I'm a more closed off person and I've only ever had a relationship with him. And it also kills me to want to be with him but have to settle with 'just friends' for now, only to have more problems with that.

I really miss him and want to be with him, and I'm scared for him too.