((((googley))))

Thank you for posting. This is something that has come up for many here as we all have been hurt by the very ones that were suppose to care and said they did but at the same time it was anything but what was being shown. Many times I not only ask my t but also anyone that says they care. Something that never seems to be able to get within myself or the others.

My old t used to tell me that she would tell me as many times as it took until I could first hear it and then hopefully believe it. I felt that she cared because that was her job and that she cared about everyone so it was not something that felt as though it was because it had anything to do with me. Even today I still question how can you? Why can you when those that were suppose to didn't. And why am I suppose to believe you now?

The very questions that you ask are valid in that is how it was for you. To believe now is hard. And as much as we want to believe and try to the questions still come. So many times we try to not ask but still it rings within no matter how many times we tell ourselves they care. So you do make sense. And what you feel is so real.

Wanting to be cared about is only human and there is nothing wrong with feeling that. Wondering if they did possibly care, how long would it be before they too go away. Always waiting for the other shoe to fall feeling and just knowing that about the time you reach to believe, it will fall. I hear you and that fear loudly. Waiting to be hurt because we knew it would always come. Knowing it was us that would cause that hurt because somehow it was always our fault so that those that were wrong did not have to accept the blame.

Googley, you are cared about and I am glad that you are here and that you posted this. I validate what you are feeling and I understand why you feel this way. But you are not to blame as none of us are. And you can keep asking as many times as you need to and the answer will still be the same----I care. Sending many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps