Thinker, I have been where you are for many days over many years. My Bipolar was made many times worse by incorrect prescription of SSRI''s over many years. Many Bipolar people NEED them, but for people like me, for whom SSRI's are contraindicated, they can be fatal and I nearly did die at my own hand (very close). I was to find out they are contraindicated for me when I moved to a new place and found an excellent psychiatrist 18 months ago.

What happened for me and many others is that they can push the patient up into Hypomania/Mania unnaturally (beyond what your illnesses would normally) and then the inevitable plunge in major Bipolar related suicidal depression - again and again and again. And what comes with that is the Mixed States and Rapid Cycling, ZERO functionlaity after being a high achiever for years and the associated panic and anxiety disorders also being out of control. I mention this phenomenon as some of what you have communicated fits in here - the terrible and debilitating Bipolar Depression, but then spurts of productive Hypomania - it could be just your illnesses themselves, or it could be the meds contributing. There is lots of material on the Net about this phenomenon of SSRI's and Bipolar. And of course you can ask your doc. But DON'T go off meds by yourself.

Having said all of that and the fact that I nearly died, I believe that psychiatry is our best bet in 2010, even though it is fundamentally flawed. We must keep pushing and pushing to get the right meds mix - I feel like a guinea pig over many years. I have lost everything because of what happened and spend most days just hanging on to the side of a slippery slope and trying to rebuild a life.