impatient, I don't really understand why you are going to the AA meetings. You have been sober for 25 years and are doing well staying sober with whatever methods you have arrived at that work for you. You don't like the philosophy of AA and find it "obnoxious" when the people there judge you. It seems like the only reason you are going is for social contact. Why not choose some other type of social club that is more in line with your interests and personality? A photography club? Square dancing classes? If you feel you need support for depression, NAMI offers free support groups for depression nationwide.

It is great you made a friend from the outpatient mental health program. Could the two of you do some other activity together, like go for a walk in the park, get coffee together at your favorite coffee house, go to a movie, etc. Are you worried since he is so heavily into AA, that if you don't go to AA meetings with him, he might drop you?

I have known people who have had similar reactions to AA as you, so it definitely isn't for everyone. But yet it is helpful to many others. Let them go to their meetings. You do your thing.

A friend of mine went to AA for a while (1-2 yrs) when she was first getting sober. She found it very useful, but later outgrew it. It's kind of like therapy in that way. Sometimes a certain therapist or type of therapy is just what we need at a certain point in our lives, but then we grow and change, and it no longer is a good fit. So we move on. Imapatient, it sounds like AA may not have been a good fit for you ever. It's OK. Just say no. (One thing my friend found was that after she phased out of AA, her AA friends, sponsor, etc., who she had become quite close to, dropped her like a hot potato. She tried to keep up the friendships, but they didn't want to associate with her anymore since she wasn't doing AA. I felt bad for her. She had really believed they were her friends.)

I work in the addiction field, and I told my friend something that sometimes happens. When you're addicted, it's hard to stay away from the substance. When you are in recovery, at first, you can be really obsessive about "not being addicted." Do you know what I mean? You're always talking about it, going to AA or NA meetings, talking to sponsors, planning out when next you will meet with others in recovery, planning how to go to events where there may be people drinking, smoking, or whatever, planning how you will refuse to go to these events, how you will cope if you do go, getting advice from others on this, getting support when days come around that you used to make a regular habit of imbibing on (holidays?), etc. My friend spent so much time thinking about and doing things related to not being addicted, that it was like that became an addiction itself. I've seen this a number of times. Thinking about it so much can keep you "in it." My friend was able to break that secondary rebound kind of addictive behavior and replace always thinking about her past addiction with other thoughts and activities. Like her home business, a new sport she took up, her committed effort to grow as much of their own food as they could and to buy all their other food locally, etc. She moved on. She also has a wonderful spouse for support and a therapist too.

Of course, there are others who go to AA for many years and are sober because of that. More power to them. People are different, so what works for them is different. You know that, intellectual that you are, imapatient! Now quit ragging on the AA people and stop going to those meetings.