Googley,

I can SO relate to this. And I'm realizing that I am always, always, always pushing away love, because for me "love" = getting hurt. It's such a deep, DEEP belief and it's really hard to imagine changing it.

If you need to hear T say she cares about you, can you tell her that? She said that she didn't say it because she knew you wouldn't believe it...but could you tell her that even if you don't believe it, part of you just needs to hear it? I used to FIGHT with my T about that kind of thing. There was more than once when I knew what I needed and he didn't want to give it to me, and I fought for it and he realized I was right. He doesn't ever "give in", but he is open, and curious, and will listen to my point of view and consider it.

The other thing I wonder is if you could back up a step and talk about WHY you are afraid to believe someone cares about you. Sometimes, for me, if I can really understand the "why", things start to shift inside a little bit.

Lots of safe , googley. I care about you