(((((((( kiya! )))))))))) wow OMG wow
Sending you TONS and TONS of safe hugs!!!
I am terrified of my T doing that to me.
I already told him I would SU if he stuck me in a hospital. I should not have said it, but that is how much I am just afraid of other people and it took a while for me to really trust him. And I still think I was wrong at times to trust him!!! UGGS!

I am really hoping that the change for you will be very positive.
I hope that you will be treated by someone who just is super awesome and you will be able to get into the depth of healing you need.