Quote:
Originally Posted by purple_fins
Peaches,
I think that's a big part of why I don't email T.
I know that I'd have such anxiety waiting for the reply and then the possiblity of not understanding the reply or even worse-- feeling hurt by it -- would be just too much.
I think it would hurt the paper thin connection that we have worked so hard to build.
I have a history of much trauma and relation problems - trust is not anywhere near strong enough to allow such a fickle communication process. 
I think seeing and hearing what a T. is expressing is so important for some, and anything other than that can damage progress and/or the relationship with T.
I saw a psychologist in which I was able to email and he thought it would help me as I tend to not be able to express myself as well in person as with email..... but in the end, I believe, that is partly what brought the work to an end.  I could never build up the trust I so needed, as I had too many questions/frustrations every time about some email expression.  I left one day and never went back--no goodbyes- no anything-- after meeting with him for almost 3 years. I know the T. meant well-- but it was NOT what was best for me..... I see that now.
whatever you decide I hope it's what works best for your healing and inner-peace. 
fins |
Hi Purplefins,
What you said about emailing with your former psychologist. . .and the email being something that kept you from developing enough trust. . .that struck me as really significant. I wonder if email is having a similar effect on me.
I've been with my t for several years (too embarrassed to say how many), and it has been frustrating to us both that it has been so hard for me to drop my guard and trust her enough to do trauma work. I'm still so quick to misunderstand and misinterpret what she says as though she is trying to hurt me.
I've also had a pattern where when i do open up and get vulnerable with her in a good connected way, then i become afraid of connection/rejection and pull back.
I also have always used email to say the things i am too scared to say face to face in my session.
Last week, she wanted me to look at her and admit to her that she'd hurt my feelings by something she did. (I had told her in email.) And, you know. . . I just
couldn't do it. I couldn't look at her and get the words out. Just doing that felt too scary/vulnerable.
So I am wondering if email is actually holding me back from developing more trust in my t because it keeps me from having to do some of the more scary/deep stuff. Not to mention how awful it feels when she can't reply. And also how often i misunderstand her responses. Thanks for sharing your experience with me.
This past week, i struggled hard not to email at all, and finally only sent a short one saying, "Trying not to email. But it's hard. Feel like crying." She replied, "I'm so sorry it feels that way."
On Wednesday we talked about email on our session. I told her it hurts not to email because it feels like "going without" a need, like a painful withholding. She told me that even so, it seems that it is even more painful for me to email her and have to wait hours for a response. So again this week, until my session, my goal is not to send any. It's hard. It has been such a pattern and need for me throughout my therapy.