Well, our system now has all the walls torn down inside our house.
We have been seeing T 3x a week. This week we had a close friend who is a retired T and university professor fly into town to do a joint session with our T. It was almost 4 hours long. Our friend was able to help us break down the interal walls that Mick had. She had her own alters who had secrets. All of that happened Tue.

It is now Friday and I only have a slight sense of existing the past three days! It is a very strange feeling. We are all now in the house but the house has no walls. Everything is really sorta a mess. It makes me feel very sad in a way because I like things to be nice and organized. It makes me want to tell all the alters to just get out of the house so I can act like it is just one big room for me. That makes me realize that I feel like the DID was protection even from myself. Like I could not face who I felt I was. Deep shame issues I think.

The good thing is that we are all here and no one has lost it!
This has been more internal work than I even thought it would be.
It really has been exhausting and so hard. whine whine

I go see T again today and we have to make our action plan for what will happen next. Right now he has me just sitting in the dust of emotions. And for the first time in my life, I am feeling all the alters kinda like at one time. No one is vanishing... we do not want anyone to go away. We just all are sharing and being open with who we are on the inside.

It is cool in some ways, but it is kinda very confusing because each one is really different. So we all have to kinda work together to see what we will do.