Hi Googley,

I have had the same question/fear that you do: does my t really care about me because of who i am, or is she in it for the money or just behaving according to what her job requires (being nice because counselors are supposed to be accepting, validating, etc.). I have asked my t this, and she told me what yours did: That if she did not care about the people she worked with, she could not be in this profession. I also have found that what your t said rings true: hearing her say that does not convince *me.*

I'm finding that the only way i am able to believe she cares about me is by observing her words and actions toward me again, and again, and again. And then as i see and feel the trust and connection being built up between us, i trust just a tiny bit more. Misunderstandings and hurt feelings set me back into temporary distrust again. But we work through those ruptures and then slowly take just another step further.

I don't think you can force trust and safety, nor can you will yourself to believe somebody cares about you when you feel essentially worthless inside. It's a process of growing inside yourself, and in connection with your t.