I am going crazy thinking about this. How many times do I need to be reminded that this was bad?

I am feeling guilty for telling on my grandpa all those years ago, feeling like what he did wasn't really abuse.

And I am just going crazy thinking about this, and I can't tell my T, so this is it.

For years, my grandfather was inappropriate with me. He would ask me to sit on his lap when he had erections. He would press into me, hold me tight to his lap. He would come into my room to say hi when he was over, and then he would lock the door behind us and kiss me for much too long, holding my face and stroking my hair, commenting on my body and getting very flustered all through this. It made me feel so sick. I was so scared of him. He told me not to tell my sisters, that they would be jealous. This happened about every other weekend for about five-six years. He would either pay me $5 or give me a bunch of candy. He always asked me if I liked it, "Do you like the way I kiss you? Do you like sitting on grandpa's lap?"

Ughhh

Someone remind me this was wrong. I feel sick.