Well, with the urging of family and a change in my insurance it looks like I can see my old psychologist. I have called his office, and am waiting to have return call.

As for the extent of the worry that my family was under. I had inadvertantly printed a journal entry, that had alot of suicidal ideations and a sense of despare. So they did have a *good* reason for taking action.

I had to explain that what I write is my own release. If I write my feelings down, I feel a bit of relief and freedom from them, as they are on paper and static instead of in my head and living. I did not intend to have an audience, tho I may at some point put a collection together.

They were rightfully scared, as I make it a point not to censor myself and let the worst come out. They do not understand that if I were not writting about it I would be obsessing about it which is what has led to walking to the edge of life previously. As for my co-workers, they have been noticing a decline and spoke up becasue they do care about me. They say I am part of the "family" and they just want me to feel better, and be happy.

I am still feeling down, and am in need of a med adjustment. They are giving me the time and space I need now, and no longer pushing. I also think they got that they realy do not understand what I face each day.