Wendy, I too was on SSRI's. The first time when I was 20, back in 2000. It caused what I now know was a mixed episode. I was doing dangerous impulsive things. I felt out of control. When I was given them again in 2008-2009 I either felt worse depression or kept the same depression I had. They made me feel sluggish and lethargic. I definitely don't need more serotonin. My deal is dopamine. That's why I'm on Wellbutrin. I just took too much day before yesterday. Last night I got 12 hours of sleep and feel back to my old self.

Thanks for everyone's kind and understanding words. We do hang by a thread some days and it's nice to know that someone else (all of you) have been there before and survived.

I don't know how I'm going to make it through this next quarter of school, but then I never know how I'm going to do it. Even working one day a week seems insurmountable at times. Going to grit my teeth and try. Depressed about it, but if I show up I can probably make it through. That is, if I don't fall asleep in class, which is a real risk. I hate early morning classes, but that's all I can take lately. All the art classes start at 9.

I know I need my meds. I had a dream last night where a drug dealer laughed when I said I couldn't go off my meds because I felt worse. He said, "See, the pharmaceutical companies have you hooked. They're worse than us." Then I felt bad about myself.