I am taking more contorl of my life and not allowing others to tell me what is wrong or right. Its just hurtful to think about all the times I was manipulated as a child to do things I didn't want to do that had nothing to do with my well being or what was best for me. My mother was very selfish and lived through me. I feel like apart of me was taken away and I can enver get that back. All the years I could ahve ne joy spending just being me were taken away. An after this is all done...I'm the one who ends up alone...and my mother ends up detesting me because I'm not the person she forced me to be. I realise now just how valuable I am and just how important my contribution is. That I do make a difference and that there are people out there who need me. My mother wanted that control over me....she was afraid...she didn't want to be alone..so she figured she would trap me and try to control everything so I would not leave her behind...well the fact is...if she jsut accepted me I would be there...I wouldn't leave her alone...I still don't leave her alone...but it makes it more difficult to have a relationship with her...she doesn't deserve me or my love yet I still give that to her...I just feel broken and I feel like I am reliving my childhood in order to fix me and be the person i always wanted to be. If it weren't for my teachers in highschool, I enver would have believed in myself...I never would have done the things i wanted to do with my life...I probably would have commited suicide