I can't tell T because I need her to ask before I can speak. And I don't know, it's like she's somewhat behavioral, so I feel stupid talking about the past, like she doesn't want to hear it, and I don't really want to tell, so why talk about it? And she doesn't bring it up. If she would ask what happened, then I could tell her. But I can't just start talking about it -- no way! She knows that my grandfather did "something," that I said was "bad, well, not really that bad, I don't know," so I just wish she would ask about what exactly happened. She says it's probably more helpful to talk about the present, and bring up the past as it impacts the present. But that just makes me avoid the whole thing, like, "Oh, she doesn't want to know what happened, not really."

I am distressed I guess because my mom doesn't believe me that anything happened, and the most she will say to validate is, "Well, other people had it worse." I don't ever talk to her about it though -- NEVER!!! I don't trust her -- but this is what I heard from my sisters. I just hate that my parents still see him, still allow him into their home. They want my nieces to meet him, too, but my brother is fighting on that. I worry that they will not respect him. My nieces are with my parents every weekend and who knows if my grandparents will stop by and see my poor nieces? I don't know what to do, and all at the same time, I am doubting myself so much, feeling guilty so much for telling, and not able at all to talk to anyone about this except once or twice I have talked to my sisters (the same thing happened to them). I don't know if I should do something or if I should just shut my mouth and let my brother do his best to protect his children.

I'm so glad I don't live near my parents. But even from far away, their actions affect me. I just want to cry.