Nucking, I've been this way, and only ever gotten worse, for over seven years, since 15 or so. It is not temporary. Envision and Flagwriter, I'm already on meds. They've helped, certainly. I'd be dead a year ago without them. Trouble is, my problem is philosophical and self-induced. It's not some chemical issue which can be solved or corrected. I am ****ed up, pure and simple. It's not from trauma or some awful event. I am the one and only cause of my pain.

The only short term chemical fixes I've found are booze and the occasional vicodin. Booze only feels good for a while, then it simply allows one to indulge in their self-destructive urges. Trouble with pain pills: apparently they need food to work! I wasted about 6, because I hadn't eaten for a long while. Threw booze in the mix, to no avail. So, the only short term relief I get is sleep, and now I'm having trouble sleeping.