I made a promise to my T that I would not have any more s*x with my husband until I was healed from the abuse.

My husband understands this and will give me all the time I need.

The reason is I am SO TIRED OF FEELING BAD AFTER SEX!!!!!!

Every time I do it, I re-live the effing abuse that happened to me all my life.

I still confuse s*x (in itself) with abuse! I still feel like my body and mind are being controlled!

I hate it!

And now I have to not hear the radio or the tv while sleeping because certain songs/voices TRIGGER me!

But I ca't sleep without some kind of background noise.

Silence freaks me out too.

I don't sleep at night cause I am either freaked out about having my husband there, or I want him so badly.

And I don't sleep because the radio/tv is no longer soothing. It triggers me. Certain commercials and songs.

When will I live my life like a normal, healthy, s*xual being?!

ARRRRGGGG....!

Billi