((((((googley)))))) I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I don't know if it is helpful to you to hear that, because I'm basically just echoing what other people have said above, but it's true. And I think you are right on when you say that not believing T cares about you, not trusting even her words when she says so, it's about a deeply rooted core belief that you don't deserve to be cared for, so even if someone did, they must have ulterior motives. I get that SO MUCH. I'm sorry you are hurting so much right now.