(((((googley)))))) Thank you I've expressed some concern but I don't want the conversation to turn to what happened to me when I talk to him. That is a part of my issue with trying to shield them. I know he had a fight with my parents about it, but if I make a fuss about it, and it comes back that I was the one who made a big deal, all of the sudden.. all eyes on me. And then the accusations, that I'm a liar etc, that I'm denying an innocent man any sort of relationship with his great-grandchildren. Etc. So much guilt..

I don't have too much trouble talking to T outside of SA stuff. With SA stuff it's like I can't get the words together. I told her before to ask about it, but she misunderstood the question. I can't ask her to ask me what happened, though. That is too.. obvious, or something. It would be as hard as just coming out and saying it. But we did talk today a little about this, about whether I should tell her specifics of the different things or not. It was at the end of the session but she said we should definitely talk about it next week.

Thanks ((((harrietgate))))

((((dfh))))) I think it is affecting the now and that's what T said today. We talked about how the fact that I work for a very behavioral psychologist has colored my view of therapy and made me judge myself for things I legitimately want and need to talk about with her. So looks like she does want to talk about it, because it is affecting the present. She is present-focused and somewhat behavioral, but not as behavioral as my boss. And she does have significant experience in sexual trauma and PTSD. So of course she wants to talk about it.. I think this was just in my head. I wish I had read your post before my session today! But I found a way, I suppose, to talk about it today, since it was so much on my mind this week. She said next week we'll talk about disclosure, whether I want to do it, how I want to do it. Oh boy. Writing that just sent a shiver down my spine.

((((WePow)))) thanks so much. I think just writing it out here and getting support helped me talk a little in T today.

I needed all of you today. Thanks for being here for me.