So I talked to the gyno about all my sexual problems (hurts like heck etc)
He said I probably have Vaginismus. So now I have to use these dilators to try and stretch things out I guess.

Problem is, when I attempted t use one last night, I was disgusted by touching myself. See, in my 10+ years of masturbation,
I have never done it naked... so I never actually felt myself. (I know, I'm a weirdo)
All I can say is YUCK! I can't stand the way I feel down there... and I know I don't like how it looks. Ewww!

And then, I had a panic attack because I remembered that when I was younger I used to get in trouble for masturbating.
It was wrong! All I could hear last night was my mom yelling at me because she walked in on me.

I have to do this for my husband. He is desperate for sex. And I know it's unfair to have him live in a semi-sexless marriage.

What do I do? What is wrong with me?