Hi Jenni,
I can understand how you must be feeling. You are NOT a lazy person, it is the illness. I am bipolar, but suffer from depression mostly, and my husband hates to see me sleep. Just yesterday he asked me if this is how the rest of his life is going to be. He meant that I am unmotivated and he does all the work. It is true. We have a home that we are in the middle of remodeling ourselves and he is doing everything. I can't get the energy to do something. I actually did some painting today. Wow! It's like I have to wait for some hypomania to kick in to get anything done, and that is few and far between.
I would suggest to you another med change. I know that's a pain to go through again, but I am finally on the right combination, I think.
Even though I am sluggish and unmotivated, these meds make me as stable as I can be.
I know what it's like to feel like your loved one's would be better off without you. And I question what my purpose in this life is. I complain constantly of aches and pains and I wonder if it's just an excuse to get out of work. Mybe I really am a lazy person. Maybe it isn't the illness.
I hope your husband can learn to understand bipolar. Mine listens to my problems and remembers what I say about things. He's a good listener. But he forgets that I am on disability for bipolar and I DO have an illness-- it's not made up.
Take care.