I hear you mamaJen.. I really feel like the others that it's been so long since I've truly felt any pleasure that it's hard to know what it's like. It's been 3 years for me since I've been officially diagnosed but it seems like forever. Then I read you have felt this way for 20 years and I feel awful about it. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to feel like I feel for even 1 day let alone 20 years. For fear of sounding patronizing and trivial I am not going to give you any words of advice but I do hear you and I do understand your frustration and sadness over it. Hang in there the best you can. Stay safe.