You make me feel like I'm in therapy Byz (that's not a bad thing). I can read that article and intellectually understand its sentiment, but I cannot fathom on how to really do this. I mean, in this specific instance, what boundary did my sister cross? My not wanting to be treated like **** boundary? And how do I say sis, I don't like when you chose my mom over me? To me, that seems like a "selfish" thing to say and I can tell you right now, nearly word for word, what she would respond to that: "You're the one who messes everything up because you won't be around her. I'm not going to change all of my plans and not invite her just because you are mad at her right now." To me, saying that I will no longer spend time around my mother is me setting a clear boundary. I have not allowed this boundary to be broken for over a year now. I do not even ask my sister questions about my mother. For lack of a better analogy, I treat it as if she were dead. So, to me, it seems like my sister has created a boundary that says "I am going to continue to allow mom to come to all family events." Which leaves me in a position where I feel I must defend my boundary by not going, therefore not seeing my mom. While I have set my boundary and am enforcing it well, my sister doesn't have any desire to incorporate my needs and desires into her family plans. Obviously this is part of a larger problem. What about me makes it where I will do many things that make myself uncomfortable to accommodate and help her but she makes absolutely NO effort to even pretend to do the same for me. But then, when I allow myself to do uncomfortable things to "make her happy" I suppose its my own fault when I become upset and uncomfortable. Ug. I'm really not even asking her to do uncomfortable things, I would just prefer to be treated with respect. Her acting like she invited me when she clearly had not and then yelling at me for saying she hadn't just isn't fair, it hurt me a lot. As much as I wouldn't have liked it, why couldn't she have just told me from the beginning she was having a birthday party and inviting my mother (which makes it a given that I won't be attending)? Even though that would hurt me by not allowing me to be around my nephews, it would have kept me from being slapped in the face by my non-invite at the last minute.

Right now I really want to email her and say that. But I fear her retaliation for doing that.

This is why I am a ****ing nutcase.