Quote:
Originally Posted by WePow
((((( MUE )))))
Here is my insight on this - and I was in an extreamly emotional abusive marrage that I had to escape. My heart goes out to you fully and I understand and have lived through an ex-H doing this. My T said my ex-H is a sociopath. And that is an understatement. What you describe is exactly how those types of people act.
1) Right now, you are in an emotionally vulnerable place. You have been abused and had to fight your way to a safe place in life. You are going to therapy to try to get your life emotionally healthy and learn how to defend yourself from emotionally abusive people.
2) What happened last night was just a "setback" - not you being bad. I know it feels all sorts of YUCK and UGG and you are pissed off with yourself right now. But you can not undo it. So here you are. The only thing you can do is focus on moving forward. Learn from what happened. Journal it and dig into it. Find out what you felt and why you went into it. That is how you can take this negative experience and start to imediately transform it into a learning experience. Use it to make yourself more powerful in the long run.
3) Boys (he is no man if he is using imature tactics like he is) who behave in the way he behaves do what they do because they have very serious problems inside. They are sick inside. When I realized this about my ex-H, my heart actually turned from what I thought was "love" into a form of "pity" ... I honestly pitied him as a fellow human. And for some reason, when that pity was there, my Ex-H did not like it at all and it worked to repell him.
Do let your T know about this. It is big. Do not try to walk down the path by yourself. Do not fear T - allow T the freedom to express whatever T emotions are there. You are doing so great to be moving forward in healing. Sometimes there are setbacks of some form. That happens with all types of healing - addictions or otherwise. And the next step is always the same - pick ourselves up and try again.
Just like my theme song says "I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never going to keep me down." ;-)
|
Thank you for your insight....
I'm sad that you've experienced an emotionally abusive relationship with a sociopath. My T has referred to my ex as an "insane person". I know he is troubled, and part of me feels so badly for him because people are creeped out by his behavior...whereas I've been somewhat immunized. When T sees him as dangerous, I see him as just a little boy throwing a tantrum.
I don't know what it's going to take to get me back on track....I feel so ashamed and vulnerable...like I've lost all perception and judgment about the whole situation....and now that we've crossed that line, it seems so much easier to let it happen again. I don't know how I'll find the strength not to let it happen - or even to not want it to happen.
I know I need to talk this through with T...I need him to help me understand and work with me to get me back on track. I hate needing T. I feel so weak and helpless...
I have so many feelings and thoughts going through my mind...and I don't know what to do with them. They are all over the map. I feel like I don't know what I want anymore. Without direction. Without a goal.
And I hate that I have to wait until later this week to work through this...it's agonizing...
