just something I'm kicking around here with you and me-- hope you don't mind.....
when others-- with sincere intentions of being helpful for sure
-- advise on getting friends, belonging to a group of some sort, etc..etc... there is a facet going on that they probably(and luckily for them
) don't experience-- the sheer terror of being close to others-- even in "friend" form or group atmosphere.... terror.....
Quote:
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I am a very shy person and tend to be very reclusive. I do not handle social situations well and am not comfortable at all in attempting to "make friends". In fact, I cannot think of a situation at all where I would be comfortable doing this. Over time I have found that friends have the most power to hurt you and I just cannot handle more hurt. I realize this is all unhealthy and me and my t/pdoc work on this when we have the time. I have never been a group participant type person. The only group situations where I feel even the tiniest bit comfortable is when I am in the position of teacher or instructor, and then I don't feel comfortable interacting on an individual basis outside of the instruction topic.
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ditto! (yea, i think we are twins)
I've been thinking and-- well, I don't know if this exactly fits for you but I grew up where home--
ALL who were in it-- were NOT safe. I was hurt in one way or other by every single person in my first experience of closeness and groups. (youngest- from a large family) I, in addition, experienced several traumas outside-away from home- as a child and after the first one at age 4, I learned to not ever seek closeness/comfort from those that the culture states I should be close to.--- thus--
close= no comfort, no support, more pain. (don't believe culture)
All my adult life I've not had one close(3-D) friend and the anxiety keeps me "safe" from ever belonging to any kind of group.(extreme fear of being hurt)
Im thinking maybe it's as wee little ones-- the human encounters callous, abusive relations for their first "close" experiences of relationships/groups(the family) and if this continues from infancy into adulthood-- it is strongly engrained in the personality and mind that closeness is NOT a good thing. (I see now how my thinking is needing a 180 degree turn-- as could be yours?
)
anyway--- I could be way off for you on this?...... just was kicking around a thought..... and also was hoping it could maybe help.
fins