Oh my gosh MUE!! It's awesome you posted on the group blog about this. It shows you really are willing to face this stuff head on, so way to go. But I know you feel panicky about it.. and you're feeling self-destructive.. what have you done before that's a good way to cope with these kinds of feelings? Is there anything that distracts you and makes you feel okay?

(((((MUE))))) We are here for you. Keep posting, especially if it helps you through the panic.