Watched Tigerland today, and it really hurt.

I still feel like my real life is over, and I'm playing a part pretending to fit in as an 'office associate' instead of a soldier.

I think about trying harder to contact my Reserve unit, but then I take a walk carrying my daughter and my hip is shot for the rest of the day.

And it's easier to sit here on the bed and smoke and pretend I'm trying to quit and listen to my music too loudly because most of the point of the music is so I don't hear what people are saying, and when you're deaf nobody tries to talk to you.

I really think I'd like that.

I'm off for three days, and while I don't want to be at work, I don't want to be here, either. But I don't have any money, I don't have any friends.

So I guess I'll spend most of my time sleeping.