Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions
Yes, Wepow, I've been working SO HARD for a YEAR with an unrelenting ex who has put me through the wringer...and I've stayed STRONG...until NOW. Why now???
I am just so confused right now. Because part of me wants more from my ex.....to be held, kissed, to be intimate...and I'm unsure of how to pick myself up from here and get back on track to a healthier path....knowing that I would have to leave that longing behind...even when it's so within reach. Torture.
I am disappointed in myself for getting to this place.
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(((((( more safe MUE hugs ))))))))
Why now? Well, the answer to that question is one you may need a little time to find - and help from your T. There are all sorts of things that go on inside of you right now. For me, I almost allowed my ex-H back into my life after I left him - even though he promised me a certain early grave. Why did I want to do it with him? Well, I had been away from him for a while and had grown stronger without him. I wanted to "show" him that now was my turn to be in charge of the relationship. I wanted to have the power over him this time. I wanted him to really "see" how wonderful I was starting to become (I finally had started to find a bit of self worth that he had not managed to destroy) and I wanted to literally shove "all that" in his face!
Like I said - you can't undo what happened. But you can go forward. That is so important. The more honest you are about what you are feeling and experiencing - including the shame or guilt - including the pleasure and sense of any accomplishment - all of that is valid and real. It is whatever it is. Just be honest and use it as fuel to learn from and to empower yourself even further.
In the end, the choice belongs to YOU and not to T. It is that simple.
But T can help you to become stronger and stronger and to keep moving forward. Even those steps we think are backwards are still steps. Keep on moving and working for what you deserve. You can have it.
