(((((((((mixed)))))))))

mixed, i think your expectations of yourself are a big part of what is making this so hard. i've read where you've talked about the abuse you've suffered and you've really endured some horrible, horrible things that no one should ever have to endure. unfortunately, these experiences have had a big impact on how you now relate to people, so i don't think you can expect yourself to just be able to start setting boundaries perfectly and know how to handle every situation just so. what i'm trying to say is that it is going to take time for you to learn how to do these things, lots of time and that is okay. so, if you can somehow try to cut yourself some slack i think it will actually help you get where you want to go faster than being hard on yourself. sure, it would be great if we all knew how to handle these difficult people in our lives perfectly but we weren't given the tools nor had the skills modeled to us. there is just no way for you to know how to do this yet as well as i know you'd like to. it's ok to mess up and it is part of the process that we all go through. it is just like how you taught your daughter how to walk. i'm sure she fell down many times but she did learn to walk with your encouragement and support. please be gentle and kind to yourself sweetie.